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Search Results 0 to 22 of about 23 (some duplicates have been removed)
Comedy Central
Oct 26, 2012 1:30am PDT
at your house, or just steal one from the local high school. and then just use the blood in your body, and it's a real penney pincher. >> stephen: thank you, thank you very much, thank you. (cheers and applause) >> stephen: tom, that's great, but listen, if you want to talk about your movie ca remember -- >> no, no, no steph en, steve be, stephen, my career speaks for itself. and is available on dvd and blue ray. (applause) you know t makes a great sugar-free alternative to halloween candy which is so important, what with america's childhood obesity epidemic. (cheers and applause) >> stephen: okay well, okay, so so you do care about the children. >> yeah, sure, why not. >> trick or treat. >> stephen: oh, hey, well, okay, tom, i guess i stand corrected. i don't recognize any of these guys. who are all of you. >> i'm dr. goose. >> i'm isaac. >> i'm duster. >> and i'm together we are a manifestation of the same spirit through timesharing a common universal human yearning! (cheers and applause) who wants a dvd. >> larry crown, larry crown. >> stephen: now wait a minute, wait a minute, wai
Comedy Central
Oct 1, 2012 11:30pm PDT
to your local liquor store and submitting your application via shotgun. remember-- (applause) remember, folks, remember, folks, first impressions count, so wear a fresh ski mask and look the manager right in the eye when you say everyone hit the mother [bleep] ground. (laughter) and folk its, before you know it, you'll have the right to remain employed. for the next 10 to 20 years. and that's the word. we'll be right back. (cheers and applause) >> welcome back, everybody, thank you so much. folks, i don't know if you checked the papers but today is the last day of the u.n.'s annual general assembly. now i'm to fan of the united nations but allow me to take a moment here to say to the visiting diplomats in one of your many exotic tongues it (speaking foreign language) now folks, (applause) when the clown show here rolls into town, some of the clowns getting out of the car are scarier than others. jim? >> the presidents of iran mahmoud ahmadinejad is in new york. he's at the united nation. >> protestors are constantly following ahmadinejad in his massive entourage of 140 people. >> why o
Comedy Central
Oct 9, 2012 11:30pm PDT
fireworks, jetskied and harassed local musk-ox. (laughter) did you know the eskimos now have 25 different words for "douchebag"? (laughter) but, in addition -- (applause) douchebag. douchebag fans here tonight. (cheers and applause) but in addition to providing nouveau places to be riche, as the arctic ice melts it's also exposing oil, diamonds, shipping routes, and the new history channel series "ice road drowners." (laughter) so that means it's time for another edition of "smoking poles." (cheers and applause) the quest for arctic riches. folks, america has many rivals in the battle for arctic booty: russia, denmark, and now china which is lobbying intensely for permanent observer status on the arctic council as a near-arctic state. because much like the people in the arctic, the chinese can't see for the "sun" for six months a year. (laughter) plus, china covets greenland's resource rich bounties. >> under this ice sheet lies vast deposits of valuable minerals. here in south greenland, geologists have found some of the world's largest deposits of rare earth metals. these are crucial el
Comedy Central
Oct 18, 2012 11:30pm PDT
following. >> it's a pun. >> anyway, corn is amazing. >> and this year's murr alls were designed by local avant-could be artist sherry ramsdale. >> corn art is a rather complex process. some of the artists i draw inspiration from are a couple of the master, obviously leonardo da vinci, michelangelo. >> her vision is then brought to life by professional corn hanger dan mcleod. >> i have been hanging corn on the corn palace for over ten years. >> and corn hanging isn't just an art, it's a science. >> when i'm going to try to explain is i think it's the science part of it. you've got to take, and it's a part of the art too. i mean it's all mixed together in one bunch. >> if you don't do it right it wouldn't look like much. yeah, the imprint would be there but it wouldn't stand out is what i'm trying to say, and come alive. >> but this year mark received the phone call that every corn palace director dreads. >> the four colors that we will not have this year are orange var gated, blue, call i coand light brown -- >> most devastating color that i lost was blue. because it dominated a lot of th
Comedy Central
Oct 22, 2012 11:30pm PDT
. >> someone working at a business in a local g.o.p. headquarters building spotted a man dumping voter registration form. they found 8 completed forms in the dumpster. >> stephen: so, some voter forms got dumped. that's how the electoral sausage is made, folks. and like with sausage, it's often tainted, and once in a while an (bleep) gets in there. [ laughter ] ground up. [ laughter ] folks, i condemn this man's actions. you destroyed voter registration forms, but only eight? [ laughter ] what's the matter, was the paper stock too heavy? [ laughter ] and why didn't you shred them, or bury them, or batter fry them at the state fair? [ laughter ] frankly, i'd have expected better from the albino monk from the da vinci code. [ laughter ] now, of course, the voter watchdog spoilsports at the fec would have you believe that tampering with voter registration is a "federal crime" just because "it is." [ laughter ] but i say, it's all part of the game -- the democrats try to register voters and bus them to polling stations. and the republicans are just playing defense, big d, 'cause that's wha
Search Results 0 to 22 of about 23 (some duplicates have been removed)